


Oh, The Places We'll Go

by Sxarlet



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: (Begudgingly) Protective Yuri Plisetsky, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Disorder, Awkward Flirting, Background Relationships, Bad Decisions, Depression, Drunkenness, Each Chapter Edited As A new One Comes Up, Eating Disorders, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff, Heavy Angst, I Have No Idea What I'm Writing TBH, Im Looking At You Katsuki-Dime-A-Dozen-My-Ass-Yuuri, Injury, Injury Recovery, Internal Conflict, Life Changes, Low Key Relationships, Low-Key Fanboys, M/M, Micro-Aggression, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Phichit is My Save and Grace, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Medication, So Bear With me, Social Media, Some Humor, Supportive Victor Nikiforov, Triggers, Unreliable Narrator, Yuuri Protection Squad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-09-30 16:39:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10167317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sxarlet/pseuds/Sxarlet
Summary: When he placed last in the Grand Prix Finals, when his dog died, when he finally snapped and his world came crashing down on him Yuuri seemed to be at his wit's end creating consequences that threaten his career. Enter Viktor Nikiforov to get him back on the ice, but the dream to skate again may be a harder one to reach when cruel reality sinks in.





	1. Pink Band Society

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *avoids doing real work by writing shitty angst in class about something pure with the sole purpose to make a single person sad by projecting my own problems- also low key salty that there wasn't more Cao Bin, like wtf that boi got like 3 min of screen time and most of it was just showing his back*

At times Yuuri would look at the overly bright pink bracelet that’s tightly clasped left wrist and think it’s mocking him.

Like it was a reminder that he couldn’t be trusted to be alone. That he was advertising the problems he has, not specifically on what they were, but it was there to catch everyone’s attention telling them to _watch him, don’t let him out of your sight_ like he was a toddler who couldn’t care for themselves.

Not every single person understood why he had to wear the band, but those who don't are always so curious giving him the utmost attention as to sate their curiosity about it's meaning and why he's never seen without it even if it does clash with about everything he wears.

Those taunting moments were far and few because he knows why he has the bracelet. It’s to help him, so he doesn’t do any more damage to himself. He also knows that it’s pointless to complain about considering he can’t even take the thing off himself. It used to be rubber like the ones Celestino gave to skaters who went through the same thing as him, but he kept unconsciously breaking them- grabbing a pair of scissors and snap the suffering piece of latex apart, eventually they got a custom steel band that will only be taken off when his therapist with the key deems him fit to go on without it.

But it’s been so long the metal practically feels melded into his skin like a tattoo. Telling him he’d never get rid of it or his problems.  Not when he thought he could get rid of it after the first year of having it and not certainly not now. Not when he has completely bombed his GPF debut and in addition his career.

Not when he’s locked himself in the bathroom heaving over the toilette biting two fingers as a distraction from the burn in his throat and the feeling in his now empty stomach, as he tries to ignore the bracelet flashing in the horizon of his vision telling him he’s failing again.

He closes his eyes not needing to see it knowing he’s once again taken another ten steps back. He can already taste it. Can still hear what the Russian Yuri was yelling at him.

_You should just retire-_

He could it’s not like he’s made that much of an impression in the skating world to notice his absence. He’d just be another skater who figured out that maybe this wasn’t the career path for him. Nobody would question it. Besides, there were plenty of skaters that could represent Japan in his place: a few being Tanaka, Shoma, Daisuke, Kenjirou, or Chen could all take his place. They all want to be where he is then and would gladly take his place.

But that’s not what _he_ wants. He has given up so much to follow his dream and to end it now when he’s in his prime years- he doesn’t think he could take it. But he doesn't have many choices left after this performance the JSF might just consider putting him into retirement themselves.

_We don’t need two yuri’s in the same bracket._

There really wasn’t. He’s seen what the younger skater could do in the Junior competitions, a trail of gold and silver in his wake. When he enter the senior division he’s going to be a monster.

_Moron. Moron. Mor-_

Yuuri groans moving to stand back up and flushing his failures. He moves to sink and rinses the lingering acid out of his mouth then looks up in the mirror to categorize the damage. It’s not pretty but it’s not something new.

His eyes were red and puffy from the excessive crying and his face completely flushed from the was put on his body. Hair was sticking out in all directions making it look like he just woke up. He runs his hand across the pink band; the cool metal bringing a sort of comfort telling him it’s time he puts himself back together. To try and smooth out his disheveled look and clear some of the blotchiness from his face so he can maintain some sort of dignity before he leaves.

The water is cold and he wishes he could stay in there forever but Celestino would be looking for him soon, so he quickly washes his hand and goes toward the exit before he ends up staying any longer.

He puts in his earbuds and makes his way toward his coach keeping his head down not wanting to make any contact with those around him.  At one point, he sees the red and white jacket of Chris but he pushes on just wanting to find Celestino quicker, he’ll apologize to the Swiss skater later.

When he does they walk in silence. His coach understands he doesn’t want to talk now- that no words can qualm the feeling in his gut, so in hopes of avoiding any press that could make matters worse he’s taken toward the back exit.

He’s grateful knowing he doesn’t have to face the crowd, not in the state that he’s in now. They make their way toward the exit making it halfway before Celestino calls stops patting his jacket. “I think I left my phone by the rink. Do you think you want to wait or?”

Yuuri takes an earbud out, the music notably louder than considered safe, and turned to his coach with a somber look. “I’ll just wait here, less money for cab fare.” _Less likely to do something stupid by myself_.  The older man gives a final worried look before he nods and sprints down the empty corridor and leaving the skater by himself.

Yuuri lets out a breath and moves to sit on his luggage. He plays whatever the recent game he’d downloaded occasionally swiping a notification telling him he’s gotten a new message or a mention on his barely used Insta. Phichit is most of the messages; followed by Minako, Yuuko, and one from Mari. There are others too, other skaters he’s come to known but not enough to talk to on a weekly basis, but those named are the most important to him, and there for feels the worse about ignoring.

At some point, while Yuuri is left waiting for his coach he hears more people started making their way toward him making him shrink in on himself, even more, wishing he would just blend into the background. 

He ignored them until a particularly loud laugh had him look up out of instinct; instantly regretting so. It was Viktor Nikiforov and Cao Bin chatting in the middle of the hall. Yuuri couldn’t help but look away out of embarrassment from his placing, but the sheer thought of _he’s right there_ kept echoing through his mind as he looked back up in awe.

The other two talked casually as if they’ve been friends for years, but Yuuri knows Cao Bin’s only been in competition for a couple of years. It was a sight he couldn’t help but feel a little envious over. Not because that’s not him over there talking to his idol but because the two can so easily converse with one another like everyone else he’s competed against (maybe not as much from Otabek or Lee Seung Gil) while he was always on the outside a border that was social anxiety. Really, he can count the number of skaters he’s decently close to on one hand.

Amid his reminiscing Viktor caught the dazed look of Yuuri making the younger skater freeze. He didn’t mean to be staring- didn’t even realize he was doing it. The Japanese skater was about to stutter an apology, but then Viktor smiled not at all weirded out from him looking.

Slowly he turned raising his hand in a partial wave. The actions just made Yuuri’s heart beat in nerves and excitement at what his idol might say, _did he see my skating? Maybe it wasn’t as bad as I thought it to be?_ Were the questions going through his head. Maybe there was still hope for him yet.

“Commemorative Photo? Sure!”

And that was it.

There was a sound inside Yuuri's mind then. A sound that had no distinct relation to anything he's heard but it was a shatter of something hard, something inside he's worked hard to build up.

What was he even thinking, that the living legend would notice such a novice like him? It’s a ridiculous thought to even have.

“Yuuri!”  at his name being called he looked back to see his coach running back with a worried expression. “Sorry, for taking so long. Are you ready?” Celestino looked up at Viktor whose gone silent now and back to his own skater not knowing what he wanted to do. The look in his eye’s looking scared- he briefly wonders what he must look like to make his coach look like that.

So Yuuri just nodded. He just wanted to go and have this day over with. They walked past the pair of skaters in silence before Cao Bin had spoken up “Bye Yuuri. See you at Four Continents, right?” In response, he gave a noncommittal hum, as he made brief eye contact until he looked back down again. The Chinese skater was always nice when they met, but he wasn’t sure if he could go through much less think about competing again now.

He ignored Viktor completely even curling in on himself a little more with his shoulder hunched over and moving a little faster. Feeling like he was going to cry again he bites his lip to fend off the tears like he wants to.

There are so many _wants_ that he can’t have at this moment. He wants to prove he can skate and finish his routine with a flourish. To go home and just curl up in his bed. He wants his dog back, but most of all he wants to go back and tell himself to not watch Viktor skate with Yuuko at Ice Castle.

And as he sits quietly in the cab heading toward their hotel with the feeling of fresh tears running silent down his face, and an anxious hand running over the highlighted band he wonders if everything he’s worked for has been of any worth.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jfc this is short where's my 5k goal?? Not in the prologue that's where.
> 
> RnR if ya'll like this piece of shite and I'll see ya next time.


	2. House Calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri is lucky to have friends such as Phichit and Chris. He doesn't deserve them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow I'm pretty surprised this fic got any recognition thanks, to everyone who left kudos or commented :D

**“** _Yuuri, don’t make me swear to our lord and savior that I will smack you when you get back to Detroit because that’s just ridiculous.”_ Were the sweet encouraging words of Phichit.

Currently, Yuuri was in is room, early within the next day since he was woken from the constant vibrations of his phone notifying him that Phichit was being his persistent self to try and reach contact with him. For a moment, when it started, he thought he could ignore it for a few more hours until his coach came in and told him to stop ignoring the other skater.

Yuuri is not a morning person and hated the sun at that moment, as he despised it every other morning. His eyes were puffy from crying and his throat felt dry. Eventually, he accepted the skype call after he attempted to clean up his face to preserve whatever pride he had left.

He’s been there alone talking to his best friend for a while, It was nearly after twelve and he still hasn’t left the comfort his bed, Ciao Ciao having left to get lunch after discussing their plans for the day to give them privacy in which Yuuri is incredibly grateful for. He doesn’t remember much after the cab ride back to their hotel. He has a vague recollection of getting to his room and smothering his face with his pillow but other than that nothing else comes to mind. Either way it was incredibly embarrassing that his coach had to see him like that

“Since when did you start being discouraged from swearing on something?” Yuuri asked. He really didn’t want to be having this conversation right now, he may be more subdued than he was before but that doesn’t mean he wants to have the same conversation they’ve had a thousand times before.

“ _Since me praying saved Cocoa from imminent death,”_ Yuuri rolled his eyes, Cocoa is one of Phichit’s hamsters that ended up not actually dying he just had a terrible diet because Phichit kept sneaking him people food making him extremely lazy and unhealthy. “ _and don’t change the subject! You listen here and good you beautiful and naive fool.”_ Yuuri had to lean back a bit when his phone’s screen became a close up of his friends affronted face like he was personally offended. “ _The way you explained it made Viktor sound vain- a complete ass. And maybe he is, maybe he’s so far up in the clouds with that title as a_ living legend _that he doesn’t even bother to even notice us regular folk who go through hell to get to where we are. Just like that saying, never meet your idols, you would never have known that Nikiforov was a complete douche, and by knowing now you can learn a valuable lesson from all of this.”_

Yuuri just looked at him a bit incredulously.  “Don’t set grand expectations of people you don’t know and assume you know them?” Because that’s something he knows now. Though by the other skaters scrunched up expression it probably wasn’t what he was thinking.

 _“Technically yes, but I was thinking along the lines of learning how to fester that anger and let it all out the next time you compete against each other so you can kick his platinum ass right off the pedestal.”_ Yuuri just snorted at the lack of tact the younger man seemed to have. He remembered a time Phichit never cursed out anyone, but living in the states has gotten to him.

“Thanks, I’ll be sure to rankle him as much as possible next time I see him.” Not that he has any desire to see the Russian skater anytime soon if anything.

_“Eugh, don’t use that word, it sounds dirty. I hate that you’re majoring in English sometimes.”_

“Right back at you about your culinary minor.” Without really thinking about it, he swipes a thumb over his band as he gave a small huff of amusement. “I swear you practicing for last year’s exam almost brought me into retirement.”  

 _“I got to do something after I retire Yuuri, and being the next Top Chef sounds like a great plan. Have fun teaching children, you peasant”_ He pushed his chin out the petty way he does whenever the older skater pokes at his cooking. “ _Besides we would starve if it wasn’t for me.”_

Yuuri snorts, mumbling his disagreement “You seem to forget that I grew up working in my inn where my dad or Mari couldn’t cook to save their lives.” A little louder he continues looking his roommate pointedly in the eyes. “And it wasn’t bad it was just that your Thai cooking is too hot for my non-native tongue and I was pretty sure I saw the light that ended my career.” He replied making his friend laugh.

Out of all the things that Phichit could react to their talk of retiring was never something he fussed about. They’ve talked about it before and each time his friend has made sure he doesn’t leave just yet wanting to skate against each other in his senior debut, so they can duke it out, as he put it.

When it was brought up it was over the trivial things that the sport required from them: such as, the diets, and 4 am jogs, the constant feeling of being thrown under the bus by the media. Those usually involved laying on the floor with threats of quitting in the moment but were never taken seriously as they got back up to continue their days only to do it again in an hour.

But at some point, it stopped being a joke to Yuuri. There was a time when he remembered it being their thing and though he still does it with the Thai skater it’s starting to sound more like a prayer to his ears. He can pinpoint the exact moment it happened too. It was after a particularly rough day.

A year ago, maybe two, it was the middle of finals week in which Yuuri barely had time to study for because his new rigorous training schedule and the song Ketty had made for his free skate got denied so Ciao Ciao had chosen the song- some awful pop monstrosity that he didn’t even bother remembering the title of to, as his coach had said, mix things up with his skating style to hopefully expand his horizon of genres so it wasn’t the usual somber music he skated to. It’s what the infamous Viktor Nikiforov does right?

Yuuri agreed, of course, maybe a change in energy was what he needed, but regretted it when he had to listen to the stupid thing on constant replay. After another failed attempt at doing a quad-sal, he remembers just lying there on the ice as the cold seeped through his clothes and granted the ability to _finally_ take a moment to catch his breath, to think without the chorus ringing through his head and notices that he wasn’t happy.

Skating used to be something he enjoyed but now it was a chore to meet everyone’s standards. This isn’t news to him, he’s always been judged by who he was it’s just that skating was just another factor to that, but this thought was jarring like someone had just smacked him awake from a dream to bring him back to the real world where he can only reminisce on possibilities that will never come true. The feeling of realizing this hit him hard making him sit out for the rest of the day and a promise to go see a therapist. The sessions with his new doctor didn’t really help and as the days went on Yuuri only felt sicker about himself leading to what is now the mess of nerves and insecurities that make him up now.

Phichit may not know what his friend is thinking but the small movement doesn’t go unnoticed and he visibly deflates moving back from the camera. “ _So other than Viktor or…” Vicchan. ” How are you? You haven’t…..have you?”_

“You mean to lose my breakfast? Choke on the spot? Lose my appetite?” Yuuri knows Phichit winced at each definition, but he pushed it down knowing he’d only feel guilt, he’s just stating already known facts that don’t need to be brought up like saying it would have him spontaniously combust. He _shouldn’t_ feel bad because it's not the first time it's been brought up. Phichit should know he won't hold back. “I’ve been fine. No, I didn’t, y’know.” He’s lying by giving Phichit a pointed look and he can look the other straight in the eyes while he does it.  “I had a couple episodes but other than that it never escalated to that, especially with the amount of people that were there _._ But other than those I’m doing okay.” It’s fascinating how quickly Yuuri’s acting skills developed, good to know if skating doesn’t work out for him he has a promising career as an actor in those dramas that Mari likes so much.

For a moment, he marvels at Phichit’s relieved expression. Yuuri knows it’s not a 100% satisfied look, the Thai skater will always be suspicious of his claims and worried about his wellbeing, since he’s learned that Yuuri was a selfish man who was never honest about things. There must have been something extra convincing, maybe the steady eye contact through the static screen or the strength in his voice, because Phichit smiled warm making Yuuri’s stomach tie in knots.

 _“That’s good Yuuri. Maybe this is what you needed. To meet and realize Viktor wasn’t the person you thought he was and start skating for yourself.”_   Such an optimistic Phichit was. He looked down smiling sure his eyes didn’t convey the same feeling. Is this what he’s resorted to? Lying to those who are genuinely worried about him? If it’s to avoid conflict than yes, the coward that he is would gladly like to avoid it no matter how badly he wants to tell the other skater how rotten he’s feeling.

“Yeah, maybe.” He agrees but for a different reason. With his head clear after yesterday’s events, he questions if he wants to continue doing this for the rest of his early years. He’s surprised he stayed as long, but there’s always the question of what he would do if he left.

What was he to do after college? By next year he’ll have a major in English and a minor in Dance, what is he to do with those? Should he go back to Hasetsu or stay in America? Should he put his degrees to use and get a real job or continue competing while he can? If he stays what would he do after retiring, where would he go with a decades old degree and no experience to back him up with? There are so many questions that he has with no answers too.

He lets out a deep breath putting the thoughts away for another time and slumps a bit making his body sink into the comforter even more. A resigned feeling for him but a relaxed look to his friend. “Look past this and stop comparing myself to Viktor, set some new goals in my life.” The words of his therapist flow easily from his mouth after hearing them so many times.

Phichit looks proud though, and the feeling in Japanese man’s gut only gets worse. _“Exactly, Yuuri! I see Dr.Trainer is finally doing his job right!”_

Yuuri continues to smile despite the still churning feeling he has. “Of course, I promised you I would try to get better before your debut so we can compete against each other with me at my best didn’t I.” God he did and there have been so many moments where he regrets it. He’s trying, so hard, but just when it seems like things are going well something terrible happens and any progress to getting better is pushed back to square one. But Phichit looks so happy right now he can’t bring himself to say anything. “Speaking of, thanks for reminding me, I told him I’d email him today. And you. You have to go, it’s late, isn’t it?”

He looked at the clock and tried calculating the time difference until Phichit spoke for him.  “ _It’s only eight, calm down Mama Katsuki. You and Ciao Ciao aren’t here so technically my bed time is non-existant_.” There was a pause until he continued with a perplexed look “ _Yuuri, are you going to the gala later?”_

Said skater licked his lips slightly embarrassed with himself that he actually forgot all about that stuff, especially when he just had the talk about it that morning. He was just gonna lay in bed all day if he’s honest. "I don't think so. Ciao Ciao was adamant that I go to the banquet at least tonight to stay in touch with what sponsors I have and get out of my room saying I could use a change in scenery, that the positive atmosphere would lift my spirits or something about my aura." He loves his coach really, but he thinks he's been around American college students for a little too long. "But he didn't specify about going to the gala, so I don't think I'm going to go to that. I might just go to the studio that's a couple blocks away to work on my exam piece." Yuuri doesn't think he can even step foot back in that rink. He instead plans on going as soon as it opens and stay as long as he can until he's forcefully removed from the barre by Celastino.

 _"Even if I told you your final piece is perfect and that you should take the day off because it'll just stress you out more since you're so adamant about it missing something?"_ Phichit's voice gradually got higher as he stressed his needs to chill, but Yuuri was none of it giving him a deadpanned look that had the Thai slump with a frustrated groan. _"Ugh fine, but dude you're in Russia, do a little sightseeing before you lock yourself in and become the black swan or whatever. Maybe get me a souvenir! I want a matryoshka doll but instead of a little doll in the middle it's a little bottle of Real Russian Vodka."_ Yuuri will never not amused by the quick changes in his friend's moods. He already got Phichit’s gift (a pack of vodka in boxed cartons- he’s in Russia what’d you expect) “Or if you are going to lock yourself up in a studio you better practice some Hipplet or I will be very disappointed in you.

Yuuri snorted feeling a little better about the comment. “I’m never doing Hipplet Phichit. For one I don’t even have my point shoes with me and two I already tried pole dancing and it’s bad enough that I did that.”

_“I have no idea why you think that’s a bad thing. Especially when you kept going to lessons and absolutely slayed the rest of the class.”_

Yuuri pouts at the jab. “Shut up, it’s a good for flexibility and the core. Besides, you dragged me to those things in the first place!”

“Yes, and you’re welcome.” Phichit, of course, wasn’t ashamed. A small part of the Japanese skater wanted to thank the younger man because it really did help with his dancing and skating but he’ll jump off a cliff before facing the embarrassment of Phichit never letting it go.

Thinking of his friend’s lack of humility he thinks of Chris last night and the face he made as he blew him off and groaned that he did that to the man when he was only worried. “Hold on Phichit I need to get something.” And props his phone on the bedside counter. He leans down to grab the laptop on the ground where he hears Phichit whistle and compliment the lift of his shirt and comes back up with the device sporting a blush he’s not even going to acknowledge, as he waits for his computer to turn on.

_“Are you going to messaging your sugar daddy.”_

Yuuri snorted without looking back and opens his barely used but still existing Twitter and ignores all the latest comments about last night’s performance on his page. “I’m messaging Chris. Who is this sugar daddy you speak of?” He absently replies still ignoring the blush in his face.

 **_Katsuki_Yuuri:_ ** _Hey, I’m sorry about last night._

 **_Katsuki_Yuuri:_ ** _I wasn’t feeling so great._

“ _Yeah Chris_ ,” Yuuri looks at Phichit with a raised brow encouraging him to explain. “ _Whenever it’s just you and him at a competition you guys hang out and go to like really nice restaurants or something. I know it’s not your cheap penny--saving ass that’s paying for your meal.”_

“Huh.” Yuuri never thought of that. “That’s…huh.” He doesn’t know how to respond to it. He ignores it instead and looks back at the screen.

 **Christophegc:** It’s fine Yuuri. You look like you needed a moment, I understand. But are okay now? Will you be going to any of the celebratory events tonight?

Was Yuuri okay? He thinks so. The episode past last night, he’s just seems tired now. “Phichit do you have classes in the morning?”

 **_Katsuki_Yuuri:_ ** _Yeah, much better. I’ll be going to the banquet but not to see the exhibition gala_

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” He groans. 

The older man smiles knowing the feeling exactly. “I told you not to take any morning classes. It’s not my fault you wanted a nap between class and practice.” In the corner of his eye, he vaguely sees Phichit mimic him in a mocking gesture as he grabs his own phone to ignore him with

 **_Christophegc:_ ** _Do you want to get lunch?_

Yuuri was taken back a bit. Usually, when Viktor was at the same competitions Chris hung around him. Yuuri always thought it was weird that the older skater chose him as a cheap replacement, but welcomed the company none the less.

He turns to look at the clock noticing it’s twenty-till-one meaning he has about six hours until the banquet tonight. He ignores the longing feeling he has from missing the exhibition performances. “Alright, I have to go. You have morning classes tomorrow so even if it’s only eight right now it takes you three hours to get off your phone or leave your poor hamsters alone to go to bed. I’ll message you tomorrow before we leave. Don’t even try an argue.”    

_“Fine, But seriously Yuuri, Hipplet is your new pole dancing meaning you’ll look beautiful. Think about it.”_

“Alright Phichit, I will,” _not._ He silently mutters to the Thai skater before waving and signing off with an exhale. He takes a moment to fall back in the mattress and flex the muscles that ached with a familiar burn and take a moment to just breath.

The evening sure was beautiful then. His heart had settled and the weight of talking with his friend is still there but has then turned into a numbing ache.

The sun filtered through his room feeling much warmer than it has been the past week. Wiggling his toes in the beam of light that got filtered through his room he looked out the outside peak of the curtains and noticed the snow from the night before was sparkling through making the landscape look ethereal.

It was a peaceful moment of stillness that Yuuri wished would never end but was ruined none the less by the pinging alert of a message from his computer.

 **Christophegc:** _Yuuri?_

 **_Christophegc_ ** **:** _Are you there?_

Right, Chris. He blanked out momentarily forgetting about him.

 **_Katsuki_Yuuri:_ ** _Yeah, I’m here. Sorry!_

 **_Katsuki_Yuuri:_ ** _Sure, let me get ready. I’ll be down in the lobby in twenty._

 ** _Christophegc:_** _I’ll be waiting ( ˘ ³˘)_ ♡

Yuuri snorted at the emoticon. Of all the people that he has come to know he never thought that cool, suave, sex-on-ice Christophe Giacometti would use emojis like one of the girls at his highschool.

The Japanese man, with great struggle as to not be heart broken, got out of bed for a well overdue shower. He made quick use of the lavatory before quickly getting out of the clothes and cringing at the tight feeling of dried sweat on his skin. No matter how out of it he was last night he can’t believe he didn’t even change his clothes before falling asleep, his mother would be disappointed (more than she already probably was with his performance).

The shower proved to be just what he needed to get that final ache of tension out of his shoulders. The heat added to the massage from the shower’s timely rhythmed spray felt wonderful making him want to fall right back asleep then and there.

But no, sadly. He already blew Chris off once he couldn’t do it again.

Eventually, he leaves the shower mourning the loss of the refreshing feeling on his bare skin. The clothes that are picked are nothing too flashy: bland and dull colors that blend in with the crowd, unlike Chris who of course is going to be dressed like a male model.

Yuuri hesitates a moment before leaving his room and looks at the small battered up backpack pushed into the corner of the room. He continues a minute longer just looking at it before rushing over to grabbed it with a flourish then leaving the room and messaging Celestino where he was going in a rush.

The lift down was short since he was only on the third floor but it was enough time for him to take a couple breaths to ease the anxiety that came with every meet up with people. Getting out of the elevator he was proven right about Chris making a fashion statement as usual adorned with designer jeans, a leather jacket, and a scarf that probably cost more than his and Phichits rent.

The older man was scowling as he was message someone on his phone making Yuuri nervous. Did he take longer than anticipated? Keeping Chris waiting? He worried his lips as he moved closer, but when he was finally noticed, Chris’ demeanor changed to a bright smile as he pocketed his phone. He wonders what that was about, he doesn’t think he’s seen such a look on Chris’ face before.

“Yuuri!

The older man brought him into a tight embrace that had Yuuri tense up in discomfort with the sign of affection.

Despite how he felt Yuuri hesitantly wrapped his arms around the other before pulling back to look at their face. “Hi, Chris. I didn’t keep you waiting long did I?” _I didn’t upset you too, did I?_ He left unsaid. The question was probably stupid by Chris’ reaction to his presence, but he had to be sure.

His worries deflated when the man laughed, bright and musical warranting no ill meaning. “Yuuri, you’re always early when we meet up making you wait forever. I was barely here a minute, it’s alright.”

A small smile graces Yuuri’s lips reacting to the familiar, calming air that Chris emits whenever they talk. Yuuri nods understanding. Christ takes this as a signal to move on and puts an arm around him pulling him toward the hotel exit. “Now come, I know a lovely little café that’s only a couple blocks away from us. Probably the best in Sochi!”

“We’ve been here for less than a week how could it be the best café when it’s probably the only one you’ve been too?” Yuuri laughed with an ease that felt oddly foreign to him. “Do they have beignets?”

“Yuuri! Mon Dieu!” or in Chris’ translation, _Of course!_ “Have you forgotten I’ve been here for near a month now? Or are you ignoring my messages again?” The weight on Yuuri’s shoulders suddenly increased when the taller man was leaning all his self on him in a dramatic making him stop as they take their first steps out into the cold.

“Of course, I didn’t, how could I? If I don’t message you back within the hour you tell Phichit to yell at me to check them.” He pushed Chris off of him with a huff and they continued their walk down the street toward the establishment. He wishes he brought his hat and gloves. Seeing his breath in the cold he should have brought a mask too.

“Of course, Yuuri! It’s because you’ll never talk to me unless you have Phichit berate you about it.” Yuuri flinched not meeting his gaze. “But I guess it can’t be helped with the difficulties of our time zones and everything. Oh, Yuuri, why don’t you just run away with me. We’d be so beautiful together and I'm sure my coach will take on such a talented skater.”

“ _I doubt it.”_  Is what he wanted to respond, but instead shrugged and said instead. “Sorry no can do, I haven’t finished college yet and Phichit would be lost without me.”

Chris hummed making no further comment. The rest of the walk there was placed in silence. No sound from them other than the crunching of their shoes against the snow and the occasional huff of cold air or sniff of a frozen nose. When they made it to the café Yuuri could see why it could be considered Chris’ hot spot. Other than the reason of the French pastry that he had no doubt got every morning but the look of it made Yuuri just think it was very _Chris._

It was a quaint little place on the corner that stood out of the busy modern era that was Sochi’s streets. Compared to the buildings around it, it was a small cozy little thing with a getaway cabin-esque feel to it as it sat at home in its wooden paneled storefront in a city of white pristine walls proudly. Classy, comforting, homey- all things he’d pin to Chris’ name. The inside was no different when the heating system washed over welcoming its guest away from the chilling winds outside. Plants resided between tables separating the booths for the privacy of one’s meal. There’s not a lot of people with it being past lunch time almost leaving the whole café to them.

It was pretty classy just as Chris was.

They walked over to the register were a wide variety of sweets resided next to the cashier. Chris ordered two beignets for himself and a coffee. Yuuri was salivating at a decorative mille-feuille and the list of caffeinated beverages that surely ranged in the red of his calorie counting for the day alone, but reigned in the urge when Chris asked if he wanted one. He’s feeling the hunger finally settle in his stomach realizing he didn’t have breakfast that morning too busy talking to Phichit, but he pushes it down. He asks for a green tea and a roll of Russian Black Bread. He ignores the weird look he gets from his friend.

They find a nice little pair seating area in the corner hidden away from the view of others by a fern over Yuuri’s shoulder by the window allowing them the view of the people walking the streets outside. “So Yuuri,” Chris started bringing Yuuri’s attention on the gulls outside back to him who was pointing at the bag that was set aside. “What are your plans for the day”

The Japanese man picks at his roll, smashing it in his fingers like play-doh to put it onto the napkin and repeat the process idly. “There’s a studio by the rink. I was going to go by it and see if I can get a private room to work on a project for my dance class.”

This piqued Chris’ interest instantly lighting from the idea.”oh! That sound wonderful, Yuuri. Do you perhaps need a partner this time?” He wiggles his eyebrows making Yuuri laugh at the gesture.

“Not this time Chris.” Said man pouts broken heartedly. “This time we got to choreograph our own thing.” Chris has helped him before. When his nerves acted up before being graded a week before the test and Chris was just there to help him when the competition ended. They’ve danced to ballroom, jazz, and many others, Chris even helped him with his pole dancing when he got the courage to ask for it (Meaning he was drunk when he asked and regretted it, sorta. The lessons really did help him advance) and the man was an immense help to Yuuri especially when he had to go back to classes, but he wasn’t sure about this time. “Besides, how much do you know about ballet?”

Chris sighed forlornly. “Truthfully not much. I did it in when I started skating, but I ended up branching out into other stuff because ballet was too stiff for me.” Yuuri snorted into his cup. Chris purposefully ignored him by taking a bite of his treat. “I know the positions and a few moves but that’s about it.” He leans forward with his elbows on the table and his hands under his chin. A devious smirk dancing across his features. “I could always help you stretch, I know you’re limber but it never hurts to have an extra hand or two helping you out.” He made his point with jazz hands and wiggling his eyebrows making Yuuri will down the blush he was probably sporting.

In dire need to get away from the implication, Yuuri changed the subject immediately. “Why are you here?” He paused but seeing the confusion on the others face he clarified himself. “I mean, why are we out? Shouldn’t you bee at the with your coach right now? You usually go to practice before you skate but you’re here with me instead? It’s pretty important that you shouldn’t be wasting your practice time with me.” He was generally confused at the look Chris gives him after his statement. Yuuri knows Chris doesn’t mind his company, but the exhibition was something Chris incredibly enjoyed since there were no judging requirements and always wanted it to be perfect since his fans always enjoyed them the most as well.

“Yuuri,” He starts but was interrupted with his phone going off. He sighed and when he checked who it was that same expression from when he was in the lobby was back. “Excuse me, I got to take this.” He says without looking at the younger man who just nods before leaving out the way they came in.

Yuuri sits there picking at his biscuit, taking a few bites and a couple sips of his tea until he decides to make use of this time alone and pulls out his phone to open his email.

_To: Dr. Ethan Trainer (e.trainer@detmedical.org)_

_Subject: OOS Update_

_Hello, Dr.Trainer. I don’t know if you’ve heard the news, but things didn’t go so well this competition and I feel as though things aren’t getting better. I’ve done the exercises we’ve talked about and everything I could before I skated but it didn’t seem to do much to help the anxiety._

_Would you be able to meet when I get back instead of waiting weeks later as we planned?_

For a moment, he hesitated on sending the email. He played around with the wording, apologizing for the inconvenience that he’s causing for the sudden request and thanking him for taking the time out of his day to hear him. It only then did he send it and Chris still hadn’t come back. Yuuri looked out the window seeing Chris looking even more frustrated on the phone with his other hand pulling at his hair.

Yuuri looked back down at his meal feeling he was intruding on the man’s privacy. Most of it was gone, but that was because most of it was squished into the napkin. He got up taking the leftover bread and shoving it in the disposable coffee cup, grabbed Chris’ stuff and headed toward the exit throwing his own stuff in the trash.

Yelling could be heard before he even went through the muffled door and when he did it got even louder. Yuuri didn’t understand what was being said as he was shouting in French, something Yuuri only partially knows picking up the occasional word such as _you can’t_ and _not, he, time_ and _apologize._ Everything else was lost to him, a few other things he knew of a similar caliber, but with the look that was on Chris’ face, it wasn’t something nice. Though when he notices he wasn’t alone he stopped and hung up when the other person on the line was clearly still talking.

Again, this was another side he has never seen of Chris. Disheveled, out of breath from anger, as well as red in the face out of annoyance. It was a weird sight of the usually composed person. Yuuri offered his drink with the pastry settled on top of it which he takes with a smile. That was better.

“I ruined lunch, didn’t I?

Yuuri just shrugged. "Neither of is could have stayed long anyways. You gotta go meet up with your coach before the gala starts and I have to get some practice in befoe Celestino drags me back to my room." 

Chris nods sad and understanding. They had obligations that they must work around making it difficult to catch a break or simply catch up. Chris still has lots to say Yuuri can see it in his eyes but now was not the time for any of it, they both know it. "I'll see you tonight then." The reluctance clear in the way he spoke was met with a nod.

"Bye, Chris. Hope your program goes well."e really does it's a beautiful piece. He gives a soft smile in a sort of reassurance and a promise to talk again in another time was met with silence as he turned around to make his way to his own destination in the cold leaving the other man to eventually do the same toward the other direction. 

This is what Yuuri knows. The solitude and silence. He's fought alone for years after he left home and he knows best how to survive it as such. His phone goes off and when he checks it a few things make sense. 

 _**Phichit:** _ _How did lunch go?_

 **_Phichit:_ ** _Are you headed to the studio now?_

Convenient that he knew just when it ended. Was Phichit the one Chris was messaging in the lobby? He couldn't have been the one who called he doesn't speak any other language other than Thai, English, and the minimal amount of Japanese that Yuuri tried teaching him. Who was he talking to then?

_**Me:** Yeah, lunch was great Chris found a nice little cafe to go to_

**Me:**   _I'll talk to you later tonight_

Despite his words, Yuuri was going in the wrong direction. He should have gone the same way Chris went since it was in the same area.  _Oh, well_ he thought  _guess I'll go the long way._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk what im doing. its 3am, im tired, and if im being completly honest i wasn't planning on actually writing more so im just winging it lol. I have a few ideas i want to play around with but i guess we'll see ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Anyways! thanks for the support, i'll update when i can. RnR if you'd like and ill see ya next time


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